id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
