It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
