i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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