i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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