when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
