Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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