Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
