i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
