i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im holly from the hills drunk
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
