the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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