I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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