well you can't waste a boner
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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