What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
