NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i think i have herpe
just one?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
