well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
