The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You are a genius and a whore.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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