I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
