Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
