He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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