So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
