Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
