just come out here and I will go home with you...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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