also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
