Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
