Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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