just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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