I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
