So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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