suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
