people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
