im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize