Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
