i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize