I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
