Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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