i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
