i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
