Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize