I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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