sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
