Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
