On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
only you would photoshop your dick
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Mom said you looked used
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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