So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
