I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
