i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize