My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
