Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
