it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
