I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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