You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
