Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
