woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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