I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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