...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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