I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
