we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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