if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
