he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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