I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
