she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
