Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
