Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
