Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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