I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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