i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my shit smells like andre
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
