I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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