Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
40s are totally the cure
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
