im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
should my penis look like a turkey
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
