proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
