Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
