awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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