Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
