you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
