He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
