Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
