What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
