Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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