im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
