i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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