Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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