I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
