and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
